Conception

We both knew the moment it happened. But I was still a tad incredulous. It was O'bee (my partner) who exclaimed, "we did it"! I was personally stunned into silence.

We had traveled to Nomenus, the Radical Faerie Sanctuary in Wolf Creek Oregon to celebrate that high holy day, Beltane.

For all you non-pagans, here is a Witchvox article excerpt about Beltane:

Beltane, like Samhain, is a time of "no time" when the veils between the two worlds are at their thinnest. No time is when the two worlds intermingle and unite and the magic abounds! It is the time when the Faeries return from their winter respite, carefree and full of faery mischief and faery delight. On the night before Beltane, in times past, folks would place rowan branches at their windows and doors for protection, many otherworldly occurrences could transpire during this time of "no time". ...

When the veils are so thin it is an extremely magical time, it is said that the Queen of the Faeries rides out on her white horse. Roving about on Beltane eve She will try to entice people away to the Faeryland. Legend has it that if you sit beneath a tree on Beltane night, you may see the Faery Queen or hear the sound of Her horse's bells as She rides through the night. Legend says if you hide your face, She will pass you by but if you look at Her, She may choose you. There is a Scottish ballad of this called Thomas the Rhymer, in which Thomas chooses to go the Faeryland with the Queen and has not been seen since.

We intentionally went to a sacred place to celebrate Beltane (during that sacred time) and intentionally conceive a child. When we did, we worked with a couple of our Gods (from the F(a)eri(e) tradition- my partner is an initiate/priest and I am studying to one day be one) as well as the spirits of the place to make that happen. The child who is now inside me was conceived between the worlds and was successfully brought back into this one.

Then we left that place near the art car where the baby was conceived and reveled with our friends and other attendees all day and night, in proper Beltane fashion (ahem). Again, an excerpt from Witchvox:

Young men and women wandered into the woods before daybreak of May Day morning with garlands of flowers and/or branches of trees. They would arrive; most rumpled from joyous encounters, in many areas with the maypole for the Beltane celebrations. Pre-Christian society's thoughts on human sexuality and fertility were not bound up in guilt and sin, but rather joyous in the less restraint expression of human passions. Life was not an exercise but rather a joyful dance, rich in all beauty it can afford.

What can I say about Beltane at Wolf Creek? The maypole was fantastic in all its chaotic glory, the company was amazing, the spirits walked the land, and the radical hospitality shown was a welcome respite from the world I normally inhabit.

The dance in the barn that night was lusty, erotic, and free-form. I will never forget the naked bodies of all genders and sexualities pressed up against one another, the open and uninhibited sexuality of all stripes co-existing, the contortionists writhing nude on the barn beams winking down at the dancers, and the chocolate and strawberries passed as dancers needed sustenance to continue their revels. I went to bed exhausted and complete.

Later, I read a book called The Tibetan Art of Parenting: From Before Conception to Early Childhood that I picked up at Modern Times. It is common in that religious tradition to also do what we did: decide to have a child, pick a most auspicious time, prepare for that time ritualistically, emotionallly, and physically, and then when the moment comes, it is easily recognized. Virtually all the couples in the book interviewed knew the moment they conceived. Even when they, like my partner and I, had tried unsuccessfully before. I really feel like everything lined up and came to together not only because of Beltane and our work with specific Gods, but because our lives were unfolding in such a way to make a baby possible.

For example, I had applied to grad school (in April) for entrance in the fall, and not only does the school support me in my decision to have a child, but is allowing me to take classes online at home next semester when the child is newly born. And just like a baby that is meant to be, this child is conveniently due during intersession, the time between fall and spring semesters! I wasn't sure whether I could pull off school and pregnancy/mothering, but so far I have been supported beyond my wildest dreams and it is all working out beautifully.