Life is a juggling act

My life has just been so crazy this month that I have been unable to catch my breath, much less get online for chatting or blogging.

Just as we were getting our bearings of life with a newborn (and learning to juggle grad school, etc), we were told that we needed to move. Our landlord needed to sell the house we were living in, even though he had previously told us we could be there for another two years.

So we were thrown into looking for a new place, then packing, then moving and unpacking. We are now in our new home- and still have boxes and such. School work has fallen waaaay behind.

We have been blessed with an easy baby, but I often feel guilty that we need to take advantage of that and he ends up in a swing while we work on the house or a carseat as we trek around on errands. I want to be spending time with him, face-to-face and focusing only on him, ya know?

He is finally gaining well- in the beginning the WIC people, the pediatrician, and the midwife were all concerned that he was not regaining his birth weight. It took him a month instead of the two weeks they said was the norm. He was born at 7 pounds, 11 ounces. He is now 10 pounds+ at 2 months old, so he is finally on track and getting cute fat baby rolls!

He is rarely fussy- unless he is gassy or hungry. I don't consider that fussy anyway- he is just being communicative in the only way he knows...

He is kicking and flailing his arms a lot, practicing. He is a pro at rolling over from his tummy onto his side or back. He moves his legs in a pre-crawl motion already when he is getting tummy time.

And he EATS!!! OMG, one of the issues we had is me not making enough breast milk for his needs, I think. I still don't and have not had enough time to feed non-stop and pump in between to get my production up to snuff. So we had to supplement with formula. which also makes me feel guilty. But the result is his weight gain. I am hoping once things stabilize and we are unpacked and school work is back on track that we can go back to exclusively breastfeeding. Will I be able to catch up since I am falling behind now? Or will he need formula for the duration now?

He is starting to babble and coo, and he smiles and sometimes laughs. I love it!!!Check out the video I am posting today in his album of his daddy and him howling like wolves!

Reading more parenting books

Right now, I am reading a book that a classmate and fellow mama gave me for my baby shower. It's called, The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness. And while it is written by a pyschologist, I won't hold that against him (LOL).

He says that there are 5 interconnected steps (Feri people, this should sound familar!) to helping a child learn the skill of cultivating happiness throughout their life:

1. Connection
2. Play
3. Practice
4. Mastery
5. Recognition

I am about to begin the in-depth chapters on each step in the process and how the relate and build to one another. But it seems interesting and sound... He talks about having a "happy childhood" and material resources not leading to being a happy, well adjusted adult- only learning the skills to control your own ability to happy will do that. And these are skills that you can introduce from a young age to help a child develop them...

In pregnancy news, Obie and I graduated from childbirth class this week, and are about to enter weekly midwife visits soon, as we are getting down to the wire (Is it really only 5 more weeks? Eep!). Rowan continues to grow (as do I) and move about. Soon, we'll both be outta room! Pictures soon- we finally got a replacement camera battery charger!

Conception

We both knew the moment it happened. But I was still a tad incredulous. It was O'bee (my partner) who exclaimed, "we did it"! I was personally stunned into silence.

We had traveled to Nomenus, the Radical Faerie Sanctuary in Wolf Creek Oregon to celebrate that high holy day, Beltane.

For all you non-pagans, here is a Witchvox article excerpt about Beltane:

Beltane, like Samhain, is a time of "no time" when the veils between the two worlds are at their thinnest. No time is when the two worlds intermingle and unite and the magic abounds! It is the time when the Faeries return from their winter respite, carefree and full of faery mischief and faery delight. On the night before Beltane, in times past, folks would place rowan branches at their windows and doors for protection, many otherworldly occurrences could transpire during this time of "no time". ...

When the veils are so thin it is an extremely magical time, it is said that the Queen of the Faeries rides out on her white horse. Roving about on Beltane eve She will try to entice people away to the Faeryland. Legend has it that if you sit beneath a tree on Beltane night, you may see the Faery Queen or hear the sound of Her horse's bells as She rides through the night. Legend says if you hide your face, She will pass you by but if you look at Her, She may choose you. There is a Scottish ballad of this called Thomas the Rhymer, in which Thomas chooses to go the Faeryland with the Queen and has not been seen since.

We intentionally went to a sacred place to celebrate Beltane (during that sacred time) and intentionally conceive a child. When we did, we worked with a couple of our Gods (from the F(a)eri(e) tradition- my partner is an initiate/priest and I am studying to one day be one) as well as the spirits of the place to make that happen. The child who is now inside me was conceived between the worlds and was successfully brought back into this one.

Then we left that place near the art car where the baby was conceived and reveled with our friends and other attendees all day and night, in proper Beltane fashion (ahem). Again, an excerpt from Witchvox:

Young men and women wandered into the woods before daybreak of May Day morning with garlands of flowers and/or branches of trees. They would arrive; most rumpled from joyous encounters, in many areas with the maypole for the Beltane celebrations. Pre-Christian society's thoughts on human sexuality and fertility were not bound up in guilt and sin, but rather joyous in the less restraint expression of human passions. Life was not an exercise but rather a joyful dance, rich in all beauty it can afford.

What can I say about Beltane at Wolf Creek? The maypole was fantastic in all its chaotic glory, the company was amazing, the spirits walked the land, and the radical hospitality shown was a welcome respite from the world I normally inhabit.

The dance in the barn that night was lusty, erotic, and free-form. I will never forget the naked bodies of all genders and sexualities pressed up against one another, the open and uninhibited sexuality of all stripes co-existing, the contortionists writhing nude on the barn beams winking down at the dancers, and the chocolate and strawberries passed as dancers needed sustenance to continue their revels. I went to bed exhausted and complete.

Later, I read a book called The Tibetan Art of Parenting: From Before Conception to Early Childhood that I picked up at Modern Times. It is common in that religious tradition to also do what we did: decide to have a child, pick a most auspicious time, prepare for that time ritualistically, emotionallly, and physically, and then when the moment comes, it is easily recognized. Virtually all the couples in the book interviewed knew the moment they conceived. Even when they, like my partner and I, had tried unsuccessfully before. I really feel like everything lined up and came to together not only because of Beltane and our work with specific Gods, but because our lives were unfolding in such a way to make a baby possible.

For example, I had applied to grad school (in April) for entrance in the fall, and not only does the school support me in my decision to have a child, but is allowing me to take classes online at home next semester when the child is newly born. And just like a baby that is meant to be, this child is conveniently due during intersession, the time between fall and spring semesters! I wasn't sure whether I could pull off school and pregnancy/mothering, but so far I have been supported beyond my wildest dreams and it is all working out beautifully.