Feeling a tad overwhelmed

I have most assuredly fallen behind on all I am expected to do. When I think back to last semester, I was so looking forward to a blissful period of time, spent at home, juggling the needs of my newborn with half time at school, also at home.

I did not anticipate a newborn that needed extra breastfeeding (and the pumping on top of that afterwards, in order to get him to gain weight) or a newborn that would expect to be held most of the time, instead of sleeping on his own (when they tell you newborns sleep 18-22 of 24 hours, don't think that means in a bed somewhere while you accomplish things!)

And I certainly did not expect having to move during this crazy transition time, either. I was told that I could have a couple more years here (and that was reassuring to me, since everything else was in transition)!

I have spent 5-6 hours a day out and about looking for apartments, going to midwife, doctor, and WIC appointments to weigh the baby every two days, and other necessary things. Luckily, Rowan loves the car, and sleeps peacefully during these days. I bring the breastfeeding pillow with us, and feed him wherever we find a quiet out of the way place. Given his Roma blood, no one should be surprised that he is fine with life on the road.

But on the days that I am home I am more frustrated, as he has until recently expected to be held close even when he is not breastfeeding. This has meant not being able to be on the computer as much (esp. when O'bee is not home to take him for a few hours) to do schoolwork (including this blog) to look for places to live, to catch up with email, etc. Add to this some tech difficulties I was having (I could not download pdfs from Moodle when I was able to get online- another huge source of frustration!), and you got one cranky Lily.

It has been an exercise in patience and letting go, I tell you! I have learned a lot from having this baby already. I had a specific plan and experience in mind on how Rowan was going to come into this world and that did not come to pass. However, the most important elements of my plan did- a safe, healthy baby, and a vaginal delivery. It has shown me quite clearly that there is a huge difference between what we want and need- and my needs will be provided for, but perhaps not all of my wants.

In this process of getting a new home, I did some spellwork that took effect quite quickly. I wanted to get a home that was filled with laughter, love, sunshine, community and family gatherings, a safe place for Rowan to grow, a place for us to have a temple again, a place that we could afford, a place for the birds, a place that was stable and would let us stay as long as we wanted. Additionally, there were specific tangibles I wanted: hardwood floors, a place for the washer/dryer, a good place for the bird cages, and 2 bedrooms under what we pay now.

This place that we will sign a lease on meets all that criteria and more. Originally, we saw another unit in the same building, but it did not have hardwood floors (god, I hate carpet!). When I asked the landlord if he would rip up the carpet and give us a better stove, he replied that there was another unit that had hardwood, and would I like that one instead? We looked at it today, and it is even better! Not only is it the original hardwood (not laminate), but the kitchen is awesome- real stone tile, all new on the floors. Real granite countertops- all new. New stove and fridge, never before used. By asking for what I wanted, I got more than what I expected.

Of course, now we have to pack everything, purge what we are not keeping (including a broken car!), and move/unpack when we get there! Breathe!